Krazy JOz Bad Lojik Skeet Shooting Klub

Alternate title: The Arguments Against Nooalf

Life adapts to its environment. Following this natural tendency, most people adapt to wut they hav, rather than changing thingz to suit themselvez. This iz why you can find people living in all sorts uv horrid conditionz. People spend their entire livez in the freezing arctic, bug infested junglez, war zonez, the dezert, slumz and all sorts uv bad family situationz. They coud just pack their stuff and walk away, but insted they 'get used to it', especially if its all they hav ever known.

This iz the case with spelling. Wutever language wun iz born into, the spelling system iz part uv the 'language environment', so no matter how bad it iz, people just get used to it. Everybody iz loaded with the same burden, so even if they think 'this iz stooopid' wen they 1st start learning it, eventually they dont notice the inefficiency.

Fortunately, sum people are not like most people. If it wuznt for the radical genius, the rebel inventor and the dissatisfied iconoclast, we woud still be living in cavez, or more likely extinct, considering our relatively feeble fizical characteristics. Theze people see a way to sumhow alter the environment to suit themselvez. Everybudy who adopts the new thing gainz the advantage. Thoze who do not fall behind.

Unfortunately, other people rezist change. It duznt matter how stupid or smart they are, they just take a bad attitude. To defend their pozition, they will endlessly churn thru a short list uv reazonz that may seem to make sense at first glance, but alwayz fall apart with closer scrutiny.

Nooalf iz wuts called a 'reform propozal'. Over the centuriez many spelling systemz were created to replace regular 'traditional' English. Many prominent historical figurez have advocated reform, but there were alwayz enuff disenterz to keep it frum happening. Long before Noah Webster and Benjamin Franklin pushed for a new American spelling, raging debates produced all manner uv arguments against reform. Here they will be expozed az nonsensical jibberish under the harsh lite uv lojik.

Do you like skeet shooting? Ive never dun it, but it looks kinda fun. On these pages we are going to blast apart the clay plates of bad lojik. Yell out 'PULL' just before you start reading each argument & imagine its followed by a short violent rattlebang. The duration of the target's flite is how long it takes to read the argument. The heavy boom of your shotgun is immedietly followed by the disintegration of the target. As you are reading the reasons why its lojik wuz bad, The dust is blowing away and the shardz are settling to the ground.

Lets do a warm up first. Ive loaded the 5 most common nee jrk responsez into the catapult.

PULL ! It works for me!

BOOM ! No. It duznt work for you. In fact, traditional spelling never worked for anyone.
The word work, when applied to how something servez the people using it, meanz that it reducez the effort of doing a task. Since English has no real spelling system it iz entirely relient on us to memorize thousandz uv fairly arbitrary letter combinationz. WE are doing all the work! Regular spelling is HINDERING that work.

PULL ! If it aint broke, dont fix it.

BOOM ! Seriously dude ! It iz broken!
Its a bunch of parts that dont work together to accomplish a task. Its like a car that wuz slapped together in a junk yard without regard to wut make or model the parts were taken frum. Nothing fits together, so you hav to push the heap around rather than riding in it.

PULL ! I never had a problem with it.

BOOM ! Every time you stop riting because you dont know how to spell a word that you know how to say, you are the victim of the fundamental flaw with English spelling. When you need to speak a ritten word you arent familiar with, the first reaction you have iz fear that you are going to sound like a fool if you dont gess the proper pronunciation. More often than not, thats exactly wut happenz. Every page you rite iz going to take 15% longer because of all the barnacle letterz you need to attach to nearly every word. Soundz like lots uv problemz to me, man!

PULL ! This Nooalf stuff looks weird. I dont like it.

BOOM ! Uv course it looks weird. It duznt take much uv a change to sumthing youv been using all your life to make it look odd. Youv read countless millionz uv wordz in regular English, so any variation standz out. Nooalf wuz dezigned to look similar enuff to regular English to be readable by you, but comprimizing lojik & simplicity to make it not look weird woud defeat the entire idea.

PULL ! There are rules of spelling. Anybody who can learn them will be an excellent speller.

BOOM ! REALLY? wut are they? Try to remember.

Not having any luck are you? You probably hav this vague notion that somehow you missed them in the confuzing early dayz uv 1st grade. Thoze spelling bee championz must have been paying better attention than you, rite?

It may surprize you to learn that your vague notion iz false. Ask anybody, even a teacher, what theze rulez are. Most people will spit out some variation uv "never i before e except after c" and expect you to assume this iz just the first uv many. But in reality, there are no more. There are only a bunch uv inconsistent patternz. Even this 'rule' can hardly be of any help since you wont be able to relate the letter combination ie to a single sound anyway. Plus, there are so many exceptions that its worthless to begin with.

You probably have better arguments than theze already, even if youv never thought of the subject before. Why, you ask, did I even bother prezenting them?

They are about all you can expect frum the common person. Since the vast population iz comprized mainly uv common people, theze feeble arguments reprezent the bulk uv the rezistence against the Nooalf Revolution. Billionz uv brainz producing little more than plain inertia.

Seemz kinda sad wen you think uv it that way, duznt it? But you still think you can win, so klik to the next page. Ive cranked up the catapult speed and loaded more interesting targets.